Ella and Newspaper Fury

There are times when reading the paper is a wonderful escape. Even if the news isn’t rosy, it’s still interesting to learn about the economic climates and elections in other countries. And then there are times when it just makes me furious.

I’m talking foaming at the mouth and pulling my hair out furious. So furious that I have to go look at something pretty or carry around a cat. Otherwise, I’ll find someone and they’ll be forced to sit there while I pace back and forth, use hyperbolic language, and say things I don’t mean as I rave about the stupidity of whatever I just read. This is also the time when I prove to the world that I can put not one, but both feet in my mouth.

It is not a very becoming habit.

So I try to stick to deep breathes and distractions.

And later when I feel guilty about the level of my fury, I just remind myself that there is a huge difference between being the sort of person who gets incensed about discrimination and the person who yells at secretaries when whoever they’re looking for is out of the office*.

I’m off to bed where Maxwell is already asleep in the most inconvenient of positions. Please don’t mention Israel, Somalia, or the Catholic church to me for at least the next twenty hours. I’m working on keeping the happy thoughts in and the insane raving out.

*A word to the wise: If you become friends with the secretaries, your life will be so much easier.

By the end of high school, I could walk into an office and get immediate access to pretty much whatever I needed, to the point that I didn’t even have to wait like the other students. It’s the exact same deal with doctors. I can get emergency refills called-in even when it’s an hour before the office closes, simply because the secretary likes me. Also, whenever I go to the hospital, my favorite nurse (okay, not a secretary, but the rule still applies) specifically requests me and I get the cool examination room with the really fancy scale and the funnier wall art.

Also, secretaries are frequently very abused by the people that come into their offices. Everyone needs something, and most people view secretaries as people who intentionally make it as hard as possible for them to get their needs met. The real bottom line is that being nice to people gets you better service and makes everyone’s day happier.

In Which Ella Reads The New York Times A LOT

Since most of my classes at are school aren’t meeting anymore, I spend a lot of the day in the library doing homework and projects. So whenever I get anxious, I take a five minute break to distract myself and to do some deep breathing. It’s a very effective method, but it has some drawbacks. You see, I have been systematically maxing out the number of free New York Times articles you read a month on the computers.

As of right now, you can’t access the paper on Computers One, Three, and Five*, and by the end of the week, Computer Two will be out of commission as well. Now, I know that this is the sort of thing that I should feel guilty about. I mean, anyone who gets on those computers and tries to do legitimate research for a class will be straight out of luck. But I kind of makes me proud. I always say that The New York Times is my favorite things ever, and now more than ever, I have quite a bit of proof.

On a completely unrelated note, I have been biting the heads off of gummy bears for the last ten minutes, so as to put them out of their misery before my molars crush them to bits. I like to think that this means that I am being humane, but it’s really just because it makes me a tiny bit powerful. A psychologist would have a field day with that tidbit of information.

*To be clear: I have not read 60 articles. Whenever anyone accesses the paper on that computer, the website counts it.