In Which Ella Wants to Kill a Groundhog and Has an Infant for a Cat

I was woken up in my least favorite way at four a.m. by screaming. It was not the most pleasant way to start the day.

Max, our self-appointed alpha cat, does this thing where he transforms from a very cuddly sweet kitty to a puffed-up, screaming fur ball of teeth and claws whenever he sees something that looks vaguely alive on the back deck. And I am nearly always the person sent in to diffuse the situation. My arms bear witness to Max’s momentary lapses in sanity.

But because it was four a.m. and I was feeling rather foggy, I put a sweatshirt (which ended up being backwards because I hadn’t bothered to turn on the light), stumbled down the stairs, wrapped Max in a towel, and started pacing around the hall, begging him to calm down so that I could go back to sleep. He ended up falling asleep on my stomach after around twenty minutes, and I dozed off shortly after, only to wake up two more times to repeat the whole cycle. It was like I have an infant for a cat.

This afternoon, I seriously debated buying a gun and shooting the groundhog that’s taken up residence in our backyard and has been the instigator for all of Max’s screaming fits. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that it’s illegal to shoot animals in your backyard, and I don’t know the first thing about firing guns. Instead, I made my dad promise to take me to a shooting range so that I could learn and found a website that sells humane traps for large vermin. Groundhog, your days are numbered, my friend.

Ella and the Jeweled Dueling Pistols

I have very good news to report today!

Apparently, we are going to inherit a pair of jeweled dueling pistols that belonged to my great-great grandfather who was a important surgeon in the French Army and an artist.

I plan on forcing Pippa to act out history’s most famous duels with me. (The guns will not be loaded, of course.) I think Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton would be a very good place to start.

I’ve been watching this video over and over again as I evilly stroke the cat and plot the demise of important historical figures.

It’s Lin-Manuel Miranda Performs at the White House Poetry Jam doing a rap/song about Alexander Hamilton called “The Hamilton Mixtape.”

And yes, I am indeed eighteen and still up to these shenanigans.

As always, you can also find me on tumblr at, if you’re into that kind of thing.