There is color running all around me. I feel its wispy edges. I feel the secrets that it holds. I feel its impossible magic. I reach out for it. Fingers needy and wiggling. Knuckles clenching. Bones undulating. Hand ready. Beckoning. Pleading. Willing it to come closer. Pleas to hold it by its tail. Asking it to pull me along. Out of my chair. To trip up the stairs. Faster, please. Faster. Find paper, pen, computer. Keep the hues fast in my left hand. Grasp it tightly and go. Go until it runs out. Until it’s too small to be held. Until it disappears like a flame in the wind. But until I lose it, I grab it and write.
Tonight, in an attempt to run away from all that is awful and scary, I will be at Audrey’s house, watching the Oscars. I’m bringing sparkling cider and we’re going eat Chinese food, because we’re pretty classy people. (I am hopeful that the combination won’t be comparable to the time that I mixed falafel mix with pink lemonade.) I’ve got Oscar predictions sheets printed out and ready to go. I’m even wearing a dress (not a fancy one, though) and some silvery blue eyeshadow on to match the navy material to get into the glamour spirit. I can barely contain my excitement!
Today was one of my lie-in-bed-and-try-to-calm-down days. Aren’t days like this the bomb diggity? (That phrase is totally underrated.)
So after I had had my lovely morning cry, I started going through old pictures in my iPhoto. Besides discovering a bunch of pictures that I took of myself back in 2006 (oh God) when Macs first started having built-in web-cams, I found all of my pictures from the summer I spent in France when I was fourteen.
I went with a program to Angers to study French at a university and live with a host family that had eight kids. It was a wonderful experience, but it wasn’t my memories of Versailles or Saint Malo that kept replaying in my mind, instead it was my walk to the university and how gorgeous it was.
The front steps of the house:
The lamppost on the corner (Yes, I did try to re-enact Singing in the Rain here, and yes, people thought I was crazy):
A sign for the University: