Tomorrow, I attend the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators Winter Conference in New York City. I’m both excited and tremendously nervous.
I may be eighteen, but even if I’m dressed up, I look younger. A year ago, I got carded for a PG-13 movie, and I really do not want people to write me off because I look too young.
I know that I don’t have the years of experience that most of people attending the conference do, but I am not a clueless idiot. I know a lot about the industry. I read author’s, agent’s, editor’s, and publisher’s blogs daily; I attend many, many author events; I keep a daily blog; and I’m spending an entire gap year writing a novel. I can assure you that this is not some fleeting interest. Being part of the publishing industry, hopefully as an author, is what I want to do with my life, and going to conferences like these and writing seriously is the way to do it.
And then, of course, there is the constant worry of not being good enough. How can I, lowly Eleanor, think that I am a good writer, that I am worthy of being read, let alone publication. The fear of inadequacy is always lingering, even on days when I’m pleased with what I produce. But such is life. Even people working on an assembly line must surely worry about the quality of their work. Anything anyone produces is going to affect someone else, and aren’t we all even marginally scared of being perceived as a fool?
But more than all of those anxieties, I’m excited. I’ll get to spend two days entirely surrounded by other writers and members of the industry. I’ll be completely submerged in literature, just the way I like it. I’ll have the opportunity to learn new things, listen to speakers I admire, and connect with people. I honestly can’t wait. These next two days should be a blast!
In other news, I acted like a real adult today. I sat down at a desk for over twelve hours to do work, rather than curling up in bed with my laptop to write. I even hauled myself all the way to the pharmacy and grocery store even though I didn’t want to and it was raining.
Also in other news, take a look at this fancy new layout! Additionally, you can now contact me by clicking on the “Contact Ella” page underneath the header. I’d love to hear about what you think of the new look and any other comments you have on the blog! I will soon be updating the About page with a more detailed and current bio.
You can also find me collecting lovely images and words on tumblr at http://emleng93.tumblr.com/. I’d love for you to follow me on my trek into the wilds of tumblr.