I’m currently wearing one of those 24-hour heart monitors, which means I’ve got medical stickers connected to wires stuck all over my chest, and a little black box that I can clip to my pants tracking my heart rate.
It would be a fun experience–I mean, think about all the fun I could have pretending to be a robot–if it weren’t for the fact that I have to wear this monitor for actual medical reasons. My pulse has been unhealthily fast for the past few months, and I’d really like to see if there is anything actually wrong with it.
Healthy hearts and anorexia don’t exactly walk hand-in-hand. However, I don’t have any of the problems that anorexics usually have with their cardiovascular system. My heart rate is fast, not slow, and I don’t have any fluid surrounding my heart. We don’t really know what’s causing this, because my pulse has always been normal, and I’m not any medication that would cause this to happen. So it’s a mystery and this magical contraption is going to help us get to the bottom of it.
I was lying bed last night thinking about my heart, when it occurred to me how much I’ve changed since earlier this year. As I lay there, I realized that if there was something wrong with my heart, and I did die, it wouldn’t be all that bad. That’s not to say I’m suicidal or anything–I’m just kind of at peace with my own mortality right now. Dying would just be like going to sleep, and sleeping is never painful. I’d just regret not finishing that really, really long letter I’m writing to Cecelia and writing a proper will.
But back to being lighthearted about this*. I kind of enjoy wearing this monitor because, in my crooked mind, it looks super cool. I’ve got wires going everywhere, and it’s so incredibly impressive that a black box, special stickers, and a bunch of wires to monitor my heart for an entire day.
Unfortunately, I can’t exactly show anyone just how cool all the wires and stickers look. It’s just like when I was little, and I’d get new underwear, and I couldn’t show it to anybody no matter how cool it was. It’s rather disappointing that the wires couldn’t all be on my back or legs. You’ll just have to take my word for awesome I think this heart monitor looks.
Here’s hoping my heart’s healthy and that I don’t have anything to worry about.