Moldy Turnips Causing Earlobe Rash

Sometimes, I do things that seem impossible, you know, like that time I went swimming in a waterfall even though there were fish and it was freezing or the time when I won a quarter-mile race at camp even though I had never run a proper track race or practiced running before. Well, my body picked today to be surprising again.

I am not the sort of person who gets injured. I get bruises a lot, but I have only gone to the emergency room twice, and both of those times were over ten years ago. I am always cautious and careful whenever I’m in a situation where there is even a small chance of getting hurt. I am a huge fan of helmets and pads even when they are cumbersome and uncomfortable, and I usually wear shoes when I’m swimming so I don’t cut up my feet.

So when I went into the bathroom to take a shower this morning, I really thought that I was in the all clear. There is always the chance that I’ll bash my shin against the edge of the tub, but other than that, I did not think that I was in any real danger of harming myself. Then, I leaned over into the tub to turn on the water and strained a muscle in my back. And as it turns out, strained muscles really do hurt. It’s nothing serious, and it’ll probably disappear in a week, but in the meantime, I’ve adopted a weird stoop-shouldered slump to the left to prevent it from hurting.

On the off chance that I never get better, I could always move to France and live with Quasimodo in Notre Dame, ringing the bells for all to hear. We could eat crêpes with lemon and sugar all day long and talk about social injustice and our physical deformities. And I would give anyone who visited me a tour of the belfry and everything behind the scenes at the cathedral. It could be a very happy life.

Today’s other highlights include trying to get Zelda to stay still enough so that I could measure her height, length, and waist size (I wanted to calculate her BMI to see how it compared to the cat scale of being overweight.).

It’s been a very exciting day.

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