On Sticking Out and Anticipation

It’ll be strange heading into school tomorrow. All the other seniors will be gone, the halls will be emptier, the Juniors’ heads will be growing as they discover their new power, and I’ll feel more than a little out of place.

You know how you feel when you walk into a room and you’re the only one [insert adjective here] than everyone else? That awkwardness and the way it seems like everyone knows that you are an interloper, that you just shouldn’t be there? Well, I think that it’s going to be like that.

I look younger than I am, and I’m not taller than everyone else, so I won’t physically stand out. But people still know who I am and where I should be, and it will be odd. Sitting in my mixed-grade classes is going to be supremely uncomfortable. There more than ever I’ll be the different one. The one who isn’t with the rest of her peers. The one who failed to do something important, so now she has to stay here with all the younger kids until the school year runs out.

I wonder what I’ll do in class tomorrow. My elective will be the same, for math and science I’ll go to the library, but I’m not sure about history. Will I just sit in the room with the teacher and stare at the wall or will I have to do some sort of large project or assignment to fill the time? I hope it isn’t the latter. I have enough work already to make up.

There’s nothing I can do now. I just have to go to bed and wake up tomorrow, willing to walk into school and figure it out. I don’t like the unknown very much, but I doubt that it’ll be awful. I still have friends to eat lunch with, and I can always run away and hang out with George. Maybe she could tell me more about the problems with zoos.

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