How to Foolishly Kill A Bug

Today, I was attacked by a large flying insect in my bathroom when I got out of the shower. Thinking fast, I captured it in Pippa’s plastic toothbrush cup, slid the soap dish under it to make sure it wouldn’t escape, and for some inexplicable reason, dropped the whole contraption into the toilet, slammed the lid shut, and flushed. The fearsome bug got sucked down the S-bend, but the soap dish and cup were just hanging out in the toilet bowl, staring at me as if to say, “You idiot, you could have just released that bug by opening up the window and knocking the cup against the side of the house, and now you’re going to have to figure out how to get us out of here.”

Thinking more slowly and lucidly, I went downstairs, found a pair of tongs, extracted the cup and dish, and put them in a plastic bag. Holding the bag at arms length, I carried it to the kitchen and boiled them for fifteen minutes. Then, for good measure I doused them in bleach. Because, you know, you can never go wrong with bleach.

On a completely unrelated note, it’s supposed to snow tonight. I’m very, very excited.

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