Because Gosh Darn It, I Wanna Be An Expert

Have you ever had the feeling that you’re not exactly a notable person? I know that I certainly have. I have yet to do anything really interesting, and I’m not spectacular at any one skill. Now, one of my life goals is to have a Wikipedia page all about me (Really, Ella? We all know that isn’t going to happen.), and if I ever want that to become a reality, I’ve got to become an expert in something. Unfortunately, I haven’t determined what this thing is yet. What I have determined are a lot of things that I will never be an expert in.

1) I will never become an expert in hair. While my life’s dream from the ages of three to six was to become a “hair-cutter-er”, I only succeeded in proving my ineptitude with a pair of scissors. Once, I cut off a good portion of Pippa’s hair with these. Another time, I cut off some of her hair and then sprayed her head with air freshener. If you didn’t know already, air freshener burns your skin. Pippa spent the next thirty minutes in the bathtub crying while my mom called Poison Control. A little while after that, I gave up and decided that I wanted to be an author. I’m not a complete failure in this department, though. I can trim hair and replicate hair styles pretty well. I just will never, ever, ever be a hair stylist.

2) I will never become an expert in anything that requires Algebra Two. Anything. Freshman year, I spent that class (a Junior year course that I took at the high honors level) staring out of the window, looking at the clock, and thinking, “WHY ON EARTH DID I GET PUT IN THIS COURSE?!? I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT.” Let’s put it this way, I did not fail or get a D, but I really did not do well.

3) I will never become an expert in any field that requires me to dance. Remember this post where I wrote a short story about ballet? And remember the part where I talk about the girl being kicked out of her dance class? Well, that happened to me. Thankfully, I came to terms with this failing many, many years ago, and it has never truly upset me. Still, dancing is firmly on the list of skills that I really want to become an expert in.

4) I will never become an expert in avoiding accidents. If there is a set of stairs, I will trip. If I am sitting on a desk and someone has left their cup near me, I will knock it over. Once, I accidentally hit a cup of soda and it went flying across the classroom. That was also the day that I knocked over three other cups (Of course, none of those cups were empty, and all of them belonged to other people.) and later fell over while going down the stairs.

5) I will never become an expert in any sport. Half of the reason is explained above, and the other half is the fact that I have minimal upper body strength and no hand-eye coordination. In fact, the one season that I did play soccer in elementary school, I missed or kicked the ball in a bizarre angle more often that not.

This list could go on and on. The list of things that I’m bad at would also go on for a very long time. Some examples: Waking up when one of my five alarms has gone off at an obscene hour and is blaring, handling loud noises, et cetera

I wish that I knew of some clever way to end this post. Some way to appear witty and optimistic. But I don’t. Instead, all I can say is, I want to be an expert, a true expert, in some field. I don’t want to be just mediocre or somewhat good at a few things. I want to be remembered for some sort of excellence. Thankfully, I’ve got a few (more like 70) years left to work this all out.

Goodness, I sound whiney.